A healthy functional couple commit to each other through the power of will. They DECIDE and CHOOSE to stand by each other no matter what. A good relationship is based on committed love. It's not some maudlin feeling- IT'S A DECISION. A healthy functioning relationship is based on equality, the equality of two self-actualizing spiritual beings who connect at the level of their beingness. Each is in... the proccess of becoming a whole person. Each grows because of love for each other. Both partners in a healthy functional marriage know that in the final analysis, they are responsible of their own wounds, actions and happiness. Happiness cannot be the fruition of a maturation process if it is dependent on something outside itself. Maturity is a process of moving from emotional support to self-support. From puberty on, growing up and becoming mature means standing on one's own two feet and being independent and self- supporting. No relationship is healthy if it is based on incompleteness and neediness. Healthy relationships are mature, which means equal, self- responsible and mutually supportive. The mature relationship image I like best is two people making music together. Both play their own instrument and use THEIR OWN UNIQUE SKILLS, but they play the same song. Each is whole and complete. Each is independent and committed. Furthermore, in a healthy and committed relationship, each partner has a commitment to discpline. Each is self-disciplined and is willing to apply discipline to the relationship. Discipline utilizes 4 basic techniques that ease the suffering associated with life's inevitable problems. They are:
1. Delaying gratification
2. Accepting responsibility for self
3. Telling the truth and being dedicated to reality
4. Bracketting ego needs for the sake of spiritual growth
Finally, discipline is both fueled by the commitment of love and is part of the commitment.
-John Bradshaw
